I'm fairly certain my marriage is over. I don't think I can take another moment of pretend. I'm tired and angry and sad and drained. I've tried so hard to do the right thing. To stay and try and work at it but I'm done.
I can't see how it's going to work if I'm the only one trying. Mr365 is away or drunk more than he is actually present. WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT?? I have no where to turn now. I don't know what to do. I spoke to my best friend earlier - she knows what I'm going through. Her answer is to try harder, be nicer, marriage is hard, I should just learn to live with it.
She is the only friend I've spoken to about how bad things are and she tells me to try harder - like I am the one to blame.
Not that I want to assign blame but for fuck sake I'm the only one showing up to do any of the work. I don't get to be completely absent from our lives 5 out of seven days and then be wasted on the other 2. No that is definitely not me!
I don't know what to do next. I've just recently started my own business (along side my other business) I freelance 3 days a week and then try and run my new business on the other days. Do I pack it all in and get a good paying job so I can support the kids? Do I fix up the shit that is wrong with the house so we can sell it for a decent price or do I just sell it for what we can get and move on? (the house is in a half renovate half dump state = the bathroom is a bit of a building zone with only half a floor and a gaping hole into the kitchen!)
I'm literally spinning. I honestly thought once I decided to leave it would be the hardest part over.
I've also done that stupid thing where I let my husband make huge financial decisions for us without too much thought. He's ploughed all of our savings into his new business which has me named as a director. His father made sure I was not a day to day part of the business 8 months ago and I asked that I be removed as a director. My365 insisted I stay on for some reasons I didn't understand now I've sneakily read some emails from work saying the business owes the Tax Man a fairly large amount of money. Will that effect me as a director? What do I do? There's also another couple of questionable decisions he's made that I have gone along with that I'm now regretting. Should I see a financial adviser?
What do I do first? Someone please help me. Send me something. Any advice. Anything except stay where you are. I don't want to do nothing.